Dead and Deader (2006) 1 brainhalf brain

I think I've finally managed to watch a movie that absolutely nobody will honestly ever care about. Not the actors. Not the director. Not the writers. Certainly not the viewers. Not to say that it's bad, it's just utterly, utterly forgettable. The cast is a who's who of B-grade TV actors, and one of the writers is Mark Altman, who also brought us the mess called House of the Dead. I do think his writing has improved somewhat, but he still has a penchant for painful, forced banter and gaping plot holes. For instance, when a gunfight occurs, everyone involved takes cover, even if the other side doesn't have guns. Because that's what you do in a gunfight. I don't think Altman was really thinking about things like this, though. Mostly, I think he was thinking about his paycheck, along with everyone else involved.

The lead is Dean Cain, playing a Green Beret who gets killed in Cambodia with some fellow soldiers while investigating a medical center that has lost contact. The medical center has a tank full of scorpion-like insects that infest the bodies of the dead soldiers, causing them to come back from the dead by the time their bodies return to the US. Most of the soldiers come back as typical zombies, mindless and craving human flesh. Cain comes back with his mind intact, for some reason that is never really satisfactorily explained, and he manages to remove the parasite from his body before the transformation is complete. He's left with an occasional craving for raw meat and superhuman strength and senses.

Cain picks up two sidekicks, an army cook (Guy Torry) and a hot bartender (Susan Ward), and the three of them set out to try to destroy the remaining zombies, who are wreaking havoc across the countryside. They have such a good time swapping barbs and discussing movie trivia that you wouldn't even guess they're on a mission to save the world, which they mention once in a while in case we forget. There really isn't much urgency to anything, and the cliched plot developments that Altman adds later in the movie just give him the time to write additional forgettable script.

I guess this movie wasted an hour and a half of my life, but it was just passable enough that it kept my attention. Do yourself a favor though, and choose something better, or even worse, as long as you have a reaction when it's over.