Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels (1999) 1 brain

I really thought long and hard about keeping this movie in my list. The "zombies" are people who have had all their body hair removed by a secret formula that also turns them into fanatical "no-hair" advocates and gives them enormous sex drives. This saves the makers of the film the trouble of using makeup on their zombies, unless you count the oil that they rubbed on themselves to get that sexy gleaming skin. The movie has zombies in the same sense that Bush was elected president.

But then, I thought, what about the poor zombie film fans who see this movie on a shelf somewhere and decide to rent it? After all, it has "Zombies" in the title, so it must have zombies, right? They must be warned. Do not rent this. Do not let your friends rent this. God forbid you buy it.

You already know most of the basic plot. A hair removal salon sets up shop in a conservative seacoast town, and the customers are changed into the zombies described above. The only ones not to go are the local barber, his paranoid lady friend, and two crusty sea captains, who are the most amusing, if still cliched and predictable, part of the cast.

You might already have guessed that the insatiable sex drive part of the plot is an excuse to show some skin, and I think the makers of the film were counting on this to give the film at least a slightly longer shelf life. I suppose the concept is sort of original, and you could even look at it as a commentary on how the obsession with cosmetic appearances turns people into mindless drones, but the execution leaves much to be desired. If you want commentary on obsession with appearances, rent Death Becomes Her instead.