Zombiez (2005) half brain

If you want inspiration for your screenplay writing career, I heartily recommend this movie. Because after watching it, you'll realize that no matter how bad a movie is, there is someone somewhere in the world that will release it. If Lions Gate Entertainment had any taste or shame, Zombiez would never have seen the light of day. It's hard to reconcile this with the fact that they also gave us Undead, but I guess if you release everything that comes your way, you're bound to get lucky.

I'll give the writer/director, Zachary Winston Snigg, at least this much credit. He got the basic idea right. Zombies show up. Girl sees zombies. Zombies chase girl. He also obviously did a little research, since he opens the movie with a description of how the original zombies were created from puffer fish toxin. Beyond that, things fall apart. Snigg is obviously one of those writers who doesn't actually think about whether what he's written makes any sense. Some victims in this movie could easily escape if they were anything but heavily sedated. There is one scene where all they would need to do is stand up so they can untie their hands. The heroine, Josephine (Jenicia Garcia), is constantly ignoring useful weapons laying around in favor of going after the zombies weaponless. The "zombies" in this movie appear in many different ways, first as sickle-wielding, growling cannibals, then as mad torturers, and finally as gang members who are turning people into meat pies. None of these scenes really has any connection to the others, except that Josephine is running through most of them to a monotonous backbeat.

Sometimes it just gets ridiculous (if you don't think so already). We get to see Josephine break her ankle, set it herself, tie some sticks to it for a splint, and then walk off with only a slight hobble. There's also a scene where she and another are trying to escape from a building. She leaves her companion in a large, mostly empty room in which the zombies are standing around and talking. He sits there in plain view of the zombies while she goes to try to find a way out.

There were two inspired scenes that I wish could have been part of a different movie. In fact, they should have been, since they didn't fit the rest of the movie at all. I won't tell you what they were, in case for some reason you still want to watch this movie, but they don't come close to redeeming the rest of it.