Unconventional Weapons for the Walking Dead
Guest writer: Kevin T. Fischer
You find yourself knee-deep in the wake of a zombie outbreak. No police, no military, no real infrastructure or civil safety net to protect you from the monsters outside. You're going to need some weapons and some gear in order to weather the undead storm. However, you might want to think twice before grabbing every gun you can carry.
Truth be told, the undead might not be the only predator on two legs you have to worry about, but they certainly will be the most common. The Walking Dead has taught many would-be zombie survivors many things, including the dangers of an unsilenced firearm; you pop-off at one zombie, and any within earshot will come down on you. Indeed, it takes more than a big gun and earnest life lessons in leadership to get you through the post-pandemic world; you need to use your brain. You need to think outside the box when it comes to anti-zombie ordinance, and below are just a few examples:
Ex-Military Belgian Malinois
Provided the outbreak hasn't been going on for too long, you might find quite a few canine companions without their masters. If you're near a base at the beginnings of the pandemic, you might even find a Belgian Malinois. Provided it doesn't see you as an intruder and tear out your throat, he or she could prove to be a powerful ally.
These dogs are tough and born to protect their human partners. In the case of the malinois trained by the Navy SEALs, these canines are experts in takedown maneuvers and lethal bites. Some even have titanium canine teeth. According to The Walking Dead, only humans can actually get infected, but that doesn't mean the malinois is safe. Luckily, if you got this dog at a base, chances are exceptionally high you'll be able to find him a canine Kevlar vest.
Couldn't resist! The cricket bat is a pretty great weapon for close encounters, and the taped handle ensures that you have a firm grip when preparing to deal a traumatic blow to the head. Of course, if you're not living in the UK and you need something equally user-friendly, you might try the American cousin known as the baseball bat.
High-Pressure Nail Gun
Some high-pressured nail guns are capable of actually firing nails like projectiles, and they aren't nearly as noisy as guns. A nail gun with enough psi (pounds per square inch) can easily launch a nail capable of penetrating a skull.
This is an interesting one. If you have ever seen the movie No Country for Old Men, you might know the cattle gun by another name: captive bolt pistol. Whatever you decide to call it, this weapon is the ideal, silent takedown method for dealing with the undead. Originally designed to render bovines unconscious, the penetrating version of this weapon actually fires a pressurized, pointed bolt into the creature's skull, all but obliterating the cerebrum.
It's a weapon designed to severely and fatally damage the brain—a zombie's worst nightmare. The only real problem is that you would need to get up close to use it…
Remember that deserted military base you found the dog at? If such a scenario occurred, it might behoove you to do some further scavenging in the armory or any parked humvee—you might just stumble upon the controls to a controversial unmanned drone. Learn to fly it, and you'll be dropping hellfire missiles on the undead like rain in a storm.
If all else fails, think defensively…
Sometimes, the best thing you can do in a situation like this is hunker down. Fortifying your home is all well and good, but how do you protect yourself in the event of a close encounter? Two words: riot gear. In the midst of all the chaos, you might just find these armored uniforms among the dead. They are designed to protect against knives and bullets, and they might just be the best thing standing between you and roughly 150 lbs of jaw pressure.
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